The Joy of the Lord is our strength!

There once was a girl who had everything. She was a bright, confident girl, lots of friends, bubbly personality, loved by many and she loved many, also. She was clever and was doing well for herself- her future seemed to be planned out and secure, and she had entrusted her life to God. Heavily involved in church and with a passion for her friends to receive Jesus, she often seemed to be ticking all the right boxes. Her friends sometimes even saw her as an example of faith, and she encouraged many with her words of wisdom and compliments. When the time came, she moved away. It was time for her to spread her wings and she left for a distant land, longing for others to believe what she believed, to have the fun that she had and know the Father and King that she knew and clung onto. Her life honoured and blessed God, and so many blessings she received throughout her life. This distant land was filled with endless possibilities that excited her and released her further into the world.

Until one day…

The land that offered hopes and dreams suddenly opened its arms of despair, misery, pain and destruction. She became a girl who lacked happiness, her bubbly personality had been snatched and she struggled to feel loved in her current state. It seemed that life, life that once seemed full of freedom and joy, had been stolen for a life of weakness and fragility.

The world said that she had failed, that she was unlovable, that she would always be a burden. That she would never be the same again, that she lacked the vital ingredient to be a friend, that she was an embarrassment and someone to hide. That she could never serve God effectively and that her desires were now totally out of reach. Her painful heart cried out, “Why me?” but in integrity, she deeply whispered, “Why NOT me?” Knowing that God was still in control, she learnt to crack a smile every now and again, and pushed herself forward to regain the hope and brightness she once felt and showed.

Her friends and family looked on and watched her suffer, feeling completely helpless that this time; mummy couldn’t fix it with a plaster and daddy couldn’t sing a lullaby to give her peace, nanny’s cakes wouldn’t fill that empty void and a hug or kiss felt too little too late.

If this was friends and family, imagine how God felt?!

This links perfectly with the story of the prodigal son. God’s creation was suffering, yet he knew full well that he could fix it, but interference didn’t show the ultimate love of the Father. The Father can’t force his love, we have to choose to accept his love and allow it to permeate within us. 

The world said that she was unlovable and uncared for, Jesus said that she was his beloved child on whom his favour rests.

Never mind that both theyounger son, and the girl, felt that they could offer nothing, God uses nothing to make something! The sheer love of the Father cannot be removed, our willingness to accept it, however, can. But this girl found herself entangled in what the world said and not what Jesus screamed so silently. She began to accept that failure was the way forward, that there was no way out and resentment had made its home in her. Here, the girl shows signs of the elder son: the son who had shown no faults to his Father, yet was not celebrated when he ever succeeded. The younger son had to accept what he had done, and accept forgiveness from his Father, knowing that he in fact was worthy. Whereas the elder son stands back, looks on at his younger brother and does not allow himself to be held in the loving arms of the Father and allow himself to be healed, also.

Do we accept the rejection of the world that imprisons us, or do we claim the freedom of the children on God? Claiming freedom is not failure, but allows grace; something that we must accept in order to give and show to others.

Just like when the younger son returned, the Father stood with his arms wide open, full of excitement that his son had chosen to return and accept what his Father so desperately wants others to receive! The girl allowed God to cradle her like a first born is held by its mother, releasing pain through tears of sorrow as she felt squeezed tighter and tighter by her Heavenly Dad.

She began to accept the Father’s love, knowing that she will never fail, that failure wasn’t an option! She accepted that she was loveable, that others could and would care for her not out of sympathy but out of a devotion to see her succeed and fulfil her heavenly purpose!

She began to look at life in a new way, to accept the new normal and deal with it appropriately. Her brightness returned and she was the lost girl, now found. Happiness had re-entered and she found time to re-find her life, just as the prodigal son enjoyed his feast and party! She began to accept others to enjoy in her life and felt included and wanted, not excluded and rejected. Rejection had now been cast out, leaving an open space for something productive to make its home. Hope was restored, knowing that, yes, there will continue to be difficult times but that it’s not the end- it’s the beginning of God taking real control in her life and seating himself in the driver’s seat in her life.

This girl wanted to continue seeking her purpose and not let anything hold her back. She had once been told that joy was something that she would show to people; she would live a life full of joy and it would seep out of her and infect others. At that time, she felt like the least joyful person she knew, spending so much time contemplating the position of her future and coming to terms with the adaptations of life. Praying for strength became part of her daily routine, and God met her daily needs. But yet there was still that space that hadn’t been filled…

Whilst praying, this girl was reminded of a verse: “the joy of the Lord is your strength!” Nehemiah 8:10. Just before this verse, it tells us to not grieve, not to mourn or weep as the people were crying at the sound of the new law. This girl was grieving the loss of her old life, that life wouldn’t be the same again but neither was it the end of life altogether. Weeping and mourning were becoming less and less, but still remained a problem, even though she had the exact amount of strength to face each day. The finding has the losing in the background. She had found her new life but the loss of her old life must still be appreciated and recognised. Her journey showed loss but she needed to accept that, be at peace with the past and seek a bright future in order to move on.

She remembered that joy was something called upon her life. Joy is a gift, as Galatians tells us, something open for us to have when we ask. She realised that the gap in her life that needed to be filled was joy-shaped. And not just any joy, but joy in the Lord, knowing that joy in Jesus Christ, receiving salvation and accepting His grace and love and living our lives out in, through and by Him. This is our sustenance, joy is our strength! Yes, strength is something to be asked for, but simply by taking joy in our King, creator and Saviour, knowing that we are secure in him, that all things work together for the good of those who love Him, reminding ourselves of his perfect sacrifice and immersing ourselves in our personal relationship with him, we find a new start to every heart that’s found Jesus, a new hope, full of Godly joy.

Rejection from the world, caused by self-doubt, led to condemnation, pain and loneliness. This lonely place was full of weakness. The younger son accepted his weakness, the girl recognised hers. They both knew it didn’t have to be that way if they accepted that they are God’s beloved children, on whom his favour rests.

Rejection vs joy, weakness vs strength.

The son chose, the girl chose. Have you?

Moulder, Clay and Actions

Just a quick post to keep me ticking over!

In my up 'n' coming Philosophy exam, one of the modules I have studied is 'Body, Soul and Personal Identity.' To give you a short list, we cover different religious responses to this and philosophical responses. We answer the question what makes us?
What is our personal identity?

As I was thinking about this, I was thinking back over my life so far. I thought of a song I've written about too which contains a line "you are more than the sum of your past mistakes, you are more than the problems you create....... you've been remade."
A lot of what we learn, a lot of what then makes us us is our actions; our experiences.

Through those experiences, God moulds us and shapes us. Our bodies help us to be disciples of the world, our souls connect with God and get shaped. We have a path that God laid out, it has many options. We pick one, make our own freely willed human mistake and God uses that to teach us a whole list of lessons to make us more Godly.

We are clay.
Moulded by a Creator God.
By our actions.

That'll be all.

Open Your Eyes!

A nice song by Snow Patrol and their album 'Eyes Open' really captures my feelings at the moment.

For those of you who know me, trust for me is a big issue. I often feel lke I need to know the ns and outs of a person before I can really and truely trust someone. However, I am aware of how unfair this can be; why should I expect someone to be totally honest with me when I cannot be with them?

"It's beginning to get to me, that I know more of the stars and seas, that I do of what's in your head..."

I know that as a friendship works, it is my duty to be open with someone as much as they are with me, in order for the friendship to grow. But is it wrong that this makes me feel uncomforatble?
I seem to be a jealous friend; I want all of you or none of you. I don't like being shared or sacked off, however selfish that may sound. But I also know that it is me with the issue, not anyone else.

"I want something, that's purer than the water, like we were..."

In the past, I've had friends let me down, tell me things that they claimed they meant and didn't act out and friends who have been 2-faced. I know everyone is human, but I cannot tolerate being the one who gives all of my time to others and receives nothing back other than an "OH!" when my problems are shared.
I want to be the one who is taken care of, someone who is someone elses priority. Also, I've had people make up rumours about me etc, causing me real upset and harm, saying horrible things to me. Why would I want to befriend people who think that of me, lowering myelf to their level? After seaking to people older and wiser than me, they seem to say that sometimes our problems cannot be answered by someone of a similar age because they can be too deep. But the whole part of sharing is to grow together and encourage- I want to do that, but I want someone to take care of me like I do to others. Also, we are called to love everyone, despite of their actions. Love the person, hate the sin. And by God's grace we should also act. But is this too much to ask?

"If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?"

This is all I'm asking. I can do this with God and most of the time I can answer the complicated questions I have myself  but still... the heart desires, and those desires are from God. They aren't sinful, they are what has built in us in humans; a desire to want others, a companion.

"And miles from where you are, I lay down on the cold ground and I, I pray that something picks me up and sets me down in your warm arms."

This is my longing.

"With my hands open, and my eyes open, I just keep hoping that your heart opens."

This is my logic.

"Tell me that you'll open your eyes!"

This is my plan. To move forward, stop feeling so sensitive and move on from past hurt and be me; the friend who God has called me to be and wait patiently for the friend I deserve.

Sorry for the rant.
I treat this blog as a diary entry!

"You Are More"

I want to start this blog by saying that I love my mum! She knows my heart, listens to my silly moans and always wants the best for me. My mum is my best friend. And yesterday, somehow, despite her incompatibility to use a computer, she found something for me..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgi-G-dHYkY

This song on so many levels defines my life to this point.

Some lessons that we learn are learned, but then need to be reminded of them. You'll often hear me say, "We're all human!" To some, this may come across as an excuse for sin and our shame but I do not use this in such a way! I use it to simply state that we are  human! God expects our best, doing everything as if it were for Him (can't quickly think of the bible reference there, my bad!) Our intentions and our heart is what God looks at. I'm talking in terms of learning things about ourselves here, learning who we are in Christ. I often forget that; worldly securities become more domineering and I let go of what God thinks, slipping back into thinking I'm worthless and not what God wants.

"The Return of the Prodigal Son" by Henri J.M Nouwen is the book that helped me through this, and my mentor at the time. It took me a year to figure out who I was in God, throwing all the things others thought of me out the window, coming to know that I was loved for who I was, not who people and the world wanted me to be. Yet sometimes, the words of those around me again slip into my mindset and become my perception for a short space of time before I am reminded of God's JUST GRACE and satisfying love.

And so, sometimes still, the word's of others get to me.
I know I am justified by God.
I may fall down, I may slip up, I may be a a bit rough around the edges, but I am a W.I.P (work in progress) and God loves me for my dodgey eye, my fat face, my insecurities, my difficulty to trust others, my pains, my protectiveness etc... because that's who He wanted me to be!

"I am more choices that I've made.
I am more than the sum of my past mistakes.
I am more than the problems I create.
I've been remade."

I know who I am and I am working to be like the Father, are you?

Radical; BIG challenge?

Our church, youth group and The UNiT have decided to look at what it means to be a radical follower of Christ. It got me thinking, what does it mean to be radical?
I looked it up in the dictionary and it means to do something that is fundamental, something in your roots. In terms of chemistry (which is how I first approached looking at it), it means that 2 atoms come together as a unit and trigger a continuing set of reactions. I applied this to our christian lives.

Surely then, to be a radical disciple is to be rooted in Jesus, His truth and the works He has told us all to do.
Colossians 3 v 6-7 (The Message) says; "My counsel for you is simple and straightforward: Just go ahead with what you've been given. You received Christ Jesus, the Master; now live him. You're deeply rooted in him. You're well constructed upon him. You know your way around the faith. Now do what you've been taught. School's out; quit studying the subject and start living it! And let your living spill over into thanksgiving." I love this! Paul here tells us that if we are saved, we are given our purpose and to be radical, is to carry that out! Going back to our roots, every action coming out of them for others. Are actions need not be HUGE global news breaking conversions; being radical is for everyone and everyone can speak to people about God, make deep efforts to study God's word and make time for deep reflection and waiting upon the Holy Spirit.

Philippians 2 v 12-13 (NIV) says; "Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose." Simples! Or is it?

Being a Christian brings a price to pay, laying down our 'importances' to be who God wants us to be.
It scares me that people aren't saved. It scares me that people concentrate too much on grace that God's wrath seems an unknown quality. It scares me that God has given us a task that is tremendous!



Pictures like this worry me. God never wanted this! GRACE came out of the New Testament, the living truth or Christianity! Actions and deeds of love are what is needed. No matter how big or small, we all play our part in restoring God's world the way He wants it to be. Being radical is simply being what the bible tells us to be; Children and Followers of Christ, Christians.

Hope is restored when I know of God's plan.
Hope is restored when i now of God's power.
Hope is restored when i know God will never leave nor forsake me.
Hope is restored that I know victory is already won.

I would like to challenge you to be radical.
It'll be big for some as the foundations may not be properly laid, but God is a God of wonders and restoration, a God who never leaves nor forsakes but guides and loves.

We are called to be radical.
Are you?

My heart's desires vs God's Plan

When I first thought of this title I couldn't help but be reminded of the chorus "Delight yourself in the Lord and He'll give you, the desires of your heart." But is that so?

Me and God both know very well that one of my desires is to get into university and not just any uni, Leeds! I am desperate to get a place at Leeds; this is my desire. However, as I have learnt over the past few years, our desires may not lie parallel with what God wants. Another desire is that I would like a lovely dovely boyfriend but whether this is God's plan or not is yet to be unveiled.

I am a great believer in those verses seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened unto you. I know that if I ask God what He plans to do, if it is in His timing, the Lord will tell me. However, maybe on some level, do I not want to know? Am I scared in case God's far more sensible and 'emma-suited' plan does not fit nicely with mine?

I know that verse in Jeremiah well, the plans that God has for me are to prosper me and I wholly believe that, trusting that God's plan is the best out there. But sometimes, I like mine! I can see it, it pleases me and it ticks the right boxes. Do we have to treat plans themselves as faith? Defined in Hebrews, surely we must need to be 'certain' of these things we cannot see?

Yet how do I fall in love with these plans and long for them if I do not know them?
Maybe it is a case of living a life like Jesus, living out the plans He has told you about and then praying for a revelation of those plans or simply trusting in the unknown through which God can bless us.

I trust God's timing. I trust God's judgement. I trust that His plans are perfect and will prosper me. I fell in love with God because of His grace, awe and splendour. If I trust that God's plan are what He says they are, I'll fall in love with them because He made them because he loves me. My heart must learn to long that love-filled plan rather than my own fallible, selfish plan.

As for university, I know God will find a place where He would like me and that is what I long for.
As for a fella.. All in God's time :)

Adaptation or Acceptence?

I was thinking the other day, when it comes to couples, both people have their ideal 'other half' in mind- what they think they deserve. But for all this is okay, is there stuff we need to accept or does that stuff need to change?
Very often, married couples seperate and I was wondering why.
As Christians, God is constantly moulding us throughout our lives, so our personalities change and quite often, the person you married, is not the person you're with. In my eyes, couples either grow together or grow apart..

When 'falling' for the perfect guy, we have ideas of what we want. If the guy suddenly shows aspects that we don't like, I often get rid, knowing that I cannot compromise what I want and what I think God wants for me. Do we, therefore, have to accept those parts that we aren't keen on and take them on the chin, or remain faithful to what we think and don't adapt our 'essentials' in a bloke.

The only problem is, is that we ca set our standards too high and perfection cannot be found.
But does this mean should settle for second best or accept the fact that people are human and we are constantly becoming closer to perfection by Christ?