Just a quick post to keep me ticking over!
In my up 'n' coming Philosophy exam, one of the modules I have studied is 'Body, Soul and Personal Identity.' To give you a short list, we cover different religious responses to this and philosophical responses. We answer the question what makes us?
What is our personal identity?
As I was thinking about this, I was thinking back over my life so far. I thought of a song I've written about too which contains a line "you are more than the sum of your past mistakes, you are more than the problems you create....... you've been remade."
A lot of what we learn, a lot of what then makes us us is our actions; our experiences.
Through those experiences, God moulds us and shapes us. Our bodies help us to be disciples of the world, our souls connect with God and get shaped. We have a path that God laid out, it has many options. We pick one, make our own freely willed human mistake and God uses that to teach us a whole list of lessons to make us more Godly.
We are clay.
Moulded by a Creator God.
By our actions.
That'll be all.
Wednesday, 13 April 2011
Monday, 28 March 2011
Open Your Eyes!
A nice song by Snow Patrol and their album 'Eyes Open' really captures my feelings at the moment.
For those of you who know me, trust for me is a big issue. I often feel lke I need to know the ns and outs of a person before I can really and truely trust someone. However, I am aware of how unfair this can be; why should I expect someone to be totally honest with me when I cannot be with them?
"It's beginning to get to me, that I know more of the stars and seas, that I do of what's in your head..."
I know that as a friendship works, it is my duty to be open with someone as much as they are with me, in order for the friendship to grow. But is it wrong that this makes me feel uncomforatble?
I seem to be a jealous friend; I want all of you or none of you. I don't like being shared or sacked off, however selfish that may sound. But I also know that it is me with the issue, not anyone else.
"I want something, that's purer than the water, like we were..."
In the past, I've had friends let me down, tell me things that they claimed they meant and didn't act out and friends who have been 2-faced. I know everyone is human, but I cannot tolerate being the one who gives all of my time to others and receives nothing back other than an "OH!" when my problems are shared.
I want to be the one who is taken care of, someone who is someone elses priority. Also, I've had people make up rumours about me etc, causing me real upset and harm, saying horrible things to me. Why would I want to befriend people who think that of me, lowering myelf to their level? After seaking to people older and wiser than me, they seem to say that sometimes our problems cannot be answered by someone of a similar age because they can be too deep. But the whole part of sharing is to grow together and encourage- I want to do that, but I want someone to take care of me like I do to others. Also, we are called to love everyone, despite of their actions. Love the person, hate the sin. And by God's grace we should also act. But is this too much to ask?
"If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?"
This is all I'm asking. I can do this with God and most of the time I can answer the complicated questions I have myself but still... the heart desires, and those desires are from God. They aren't sinful, they are what has built in us in humans; a desire to want others, a companion.
"And miles from where you are, I lay down on the cold ground and I, I pray that something picks me up and sets me down in your warm arms."
This is my longing.
"With my hands open, and my eyes open, I just keep hoping that your heart opens."
This is my logic.
"Tell me that you'll open your eyes!"
This is my plan. To move forward, stop feeling so sensitive and move on from past hurt and be me; the friend who God has called me to be and wait patiently for the friend I deserve.
Sorry for the rant.
I treat this blog as a diary entry!
For those of you who know me, trust for me is a big issue. I often feel lke I need to know the ns and outs of a person before I can really and truely trust someone. However, I am aware of how unfair this can be; why should I expect someone to be totally honest with me when I cannot be with them?
"It's beginning to get to me, that I know more of the stars and seas, that I do of what's in your head..."
I know that as a friendship works, it is my duty to be open with someone as much as they are with me, in order for the friendship to grow. But is it wrong that this makes me feel uncomforatble?
I seem to be a jealous friend; I want all of you or none of you. I don't like being shared or sacked off, however selfish that may sound. But I also know that it is me with the issue, not anyone else.
"I want something, that's purer than the water, like we were..."
In the past, I've had friends let me down, tell me things that they claimed they meant and didn't act out and friends who have been 2-faced. I know everyone is human, but I cannot tolerate being the one who gives all of my time to others and receives nothing back other than an "OH!" when my problems are shared.
I want to be the one who is taken care of, someone who is someone elses priority. Also, I've had people make up rumours about me etc, causing me real upset and harm, saying horrible things to me. Why would I want to befriend people who think that of me, lowering myelf to their level? After seaking to people older and wiser than me, they seem to say that sometimes our problems cannot be answered by someone of a similar age because they can be too deep. But the whole part of sharing is to grow together and encourage- I want to do that, but I want someone to take care of me like I do to others. Also, we are called to love everyone, despite of their actions. Love the person, hate the sin. And by God's grace we should also act. But is this too much to ask?
"If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?"
This is all I'm asking. I can do this with God and most of the time I can answer the complicated questions I have myself but still... the heart desires, and those desires are from God. They aren't sinful, they are what has built in us in humans; a desire to want others, a companion.
"And miles from where you are, I lay down on the cold ground and I, I pray that something picks me up and sets me down in your warm arms."
This is my longing.
"With my hands open, and my eyes open, I just keep hoping that your heart opens."
This is my logic.
"Tell me that you'll open your eyes!"
This is my plan. To move forward, stop feeling so sensitive and move on from past hurt and be me; the friend who God has called me to be and wait patiently for the friend I deserve.
Sorry for the rant.
I treat this blog as a diary entry!
Monday, 7 February 2011
"You Are More"
I want to start this blog by saying that I love my mum! She knows my heart, listens to my silly moans and always wants the best for me. My mum is my best friend. And yesterday, somehow, despite her incompatibility to use a computer, she found something for me..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgi-G-dHYkY
This song on so many levels defines my life to this point.
Some lessons that we learn are learned, but then need to be reminded of them. You'll often hear me say, "We're all human!" To some, this may come across as an excuse for sin and our shame but I do not use this in such a way! I use it to simply state that we are human! God expects our best, doing everything as if it were for Him (can't quickly think of the bible reference there, my bad!) Our intentions and our heart is what God looks at. I'm talking in terms of learning things about ourselves here, learning who we are in Christ. I often forget that; worldly securities become more domineering and I let go of what God thinks, slipping back into thinking I'm worthless and not what God wants.
"The Return of the Prodigal Son" by Henri J.M Nouwen is the book that helped me through this, and my mentor at the time. It took me a year to figure out who I was in God, throwing all the things others thought of me out the window, coming to know that I was loved for who I was, not who people and the world wanted me to be. Yet sometimes, the words of those around me again slip into my mindset and become my perception for a short space of time before I am reminded of God's JUST GRACE and satisfying love.
And so, sometimes still, the word's of others get to me.
I know I am justified by God.
I may fall down, I may slip up, I may be a a bit rough around the edges, but I am a W.I.P (work in progress) and God loves me for my dodgey eye, my fat face, my insecurities, my difficulty to trust others, my pains, my protectiveness etc... because that's who He wanted me to be!
"I am more choices that I've made.
I am more than the sum of my past mistakes.
I am more than the problems I create.
I've been remade."
I know who I am and I am working to be like the Father, are you?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgi-G-dHYkY
This song on so many levels defines my life to this point.
Some lessons that we learn are learned, but then need to be reminded of them. You'll often hear me say, "We're all human!" To some, this may come across as an excuse for sin and our shame but I do not use this in such a way! I use it to simply state that we are human! God expects our best, doing everything as if it were for Him (can't quickly think of the bible reference there, my bad!) Our intentions and our heart is what God looks at. I'm talking in terms of learning things about ourselves here, learning who we are in Christ. I often forget that; worldly securities become more domineering and I let go of what God thinks, slipping back into thinking I'm worthless and not what God wants.
"The Return of the Prodigal Son" by Henri J.M Nouwen is the book that helped me through this, and my mentor at the time. It took me a year to figure out who I was in God, throwing all the things others thought of me out the window, coming to know that I was loved for who I was, not who people and the world wanted me to be. Yet sometimes, the words of those around me again slip into my mindset and become my perception for a short space of time before I am reminded of God's JUST GRACE and satisfying love.
And so, sometimes still, the word's of others get to me.
I know I am justified by God.
I may fall down, I may slip up, I may be a a bit rough around the edges, but I am a W.I.P (work in progress) and God loves me for my dodgey eye, my fat face, my insecurities, my difficulty to trust others, my pains, my protectiveness etc... because that's who He wanted me to be!
"I am more choices that I've made.
I am more than the sum of my past mistakes.
I am more than the problems I create.
I've been remade."
I know who I am and I am working to be like the Father, are you?
Sunday, 16 January 2011
Radical; BIG challenge?
Our church, youth group and The UNiT have decided to look at what it means to be a radical follower of Christ. It got me thinking, what does it mean to be radical?
I looked it up in the dictionary and it means to do something that is fundamental, something in your roots. In terms of chemistry (which is how I first approached looking at it), it means that 2 atoms come together as a unit and trigger a continuing set of reactions. I applied this to our christian lives.
Surely then, to be a radical disciple is to be rooted in Jesus, His truth and the works He has told us all to do.
Colossians 3 v 6-7 (The Message) says; "My counsel for you is simple and straightforward: Just go ahead with what you've been given. You received Christ Jesus, the Master; now live him. You're deeply rooted in him. You're well constructed upon him. You know your way around the faith. Now do what you've been taught. School's out; quit studying the subject and start living it! And let your living spill over into thanksgiving." I love this! Paul here tells us that if we are saved, we are given our purpose and to be radical, is to carry that out! Going back to our roots, every action coming out of them for others. Are actions need not be HUGE global news breaking conversions; being radical is for everyone and everyone can speak to people about God, make deep efforts to study God's word and make time for deep reflection and waiting upon the Holy Spirit.
Philippians 2 v 12-13 (NIV) says; "Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose." Simples! Or is it?
Being a Christian brings a price to pay, laying down our 'importances' to be who God wants us to be.
It scares me that people aren't saved. It scares me that people concentrate too much on grace that God's wrath seems an unknown quality. It scares me that God has given us a task that is tremendous!
Hope is restored when I know of God's plan.
Hope is restored when i now of God's power.
Hope is restored when i know God will never leave nor forsake me.
Hope is restored that I know victory is already won.
I would like to challenge you to be radical.
It'll be big for some as the foundations may not be properly laid, but God is a God of wonders and restoration, a God who never leaves nor forsakes but guides and loves.
We are called to be radical.
Are you?
I looked it up in the dictionary and it means to do something that is fundamental, something in your roots. In terms of chemistry (which is how I first approached looking at it), it means that 2 atoms come together as a unit and trigger a continuing set of reactions. I applied this to our christian lives.
Surely then, to be a radical disciple is to be rooted in Jesus, His truth and the works He has told us all to do.
Colossians 3 v 6-7 (The Message) says; "My counsel for you is simple and straightforward: Just go ahead with what you've been given. You received Christ Jesus, the Master; now live him. You're deeply rooted in him. You're well constructed upon him. You know your way around the faith. Now do what you've been taught. School's out; quit studying the subject and start living it! And let your living spill over into thanksgiving." I love this! Paul here tells us that if we are saved, we are given our purpose and to be radical, is to carry that out! Going back to our roots, every action coming out of them for others. Are actions need not be HUGE global news breaking conversions; being radical is for everyone and everyone can speak to people about God, make deep efforts to study God's word and make time for deep reflection and waiting upon the Holy Spirit.
Philippians 2 v 12-13 (NIV) says; "Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose." Simples! Or is it?
Being a Christian brings a price to pay, laying down our 'importances' to be who God wants us to be.
It scares me that people aren't saved. It scares me that people concentrate too much on grace that God's wrath seems an unknown quality. It scares me that God has given us a task that is tremendous!
Pictures like this worry me. God never wanted this! GRACE came out of the New Testament, the living truth or Christianity! Actions and deeds of love are what is needed. No matter how big or small, we all play our part in restoring God's world the way He wants it to be. Being radical is simply being what the bible tells us to be; Children and Followers of Christ, Christians.
Hope is restored when i now of God's power.
Hope is restored when i know God will never leave nor forsake me.
Hope is restored that I know victory is already won.
I would like to challenge you to be radical.
It'll be big for some as the foundations may not be properly laid, but God is a God of wonders and restoration, a God who never leaves nor forsakes but guides and loves.
We are called to be radical.
Are you?
Saturday, 8 January 2011
My heart's desires vs God's Plan
When I first thought of this title I couldn't help but be reminded of the chorus "Delight yourself in the Lord and He'll give you, the desires of your heart." But is that so?
Me and God both know very well that one of my desires is to get into university and not just any uni, Leeds! I am desperate to get a place at Leeds; this is my desire. However, as I have learnt over the past few years, our desires may not lie parallel with what God wants. Another desire is that I would like a lovely dovely boyfriend but whether this is God's plan or not is yet to be unveiled.
I am a great believer in those verses seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened unto you. I know that if I ask God what He plans to do, if it is in His timing, the Lord will tell me. However, maybe on some level, do I not want to know? Am I scared in case God's far more sensible and 'emma-suited' plan does not fit nicely with mine?
I know that verse in Jeremiah well, the plans that God has for me are to prosper me and I wholly believe that, trusting that God's plan is the best out there. But sometimes, I like mine! I can see it, it pleases me and it ticks the right boxes. Do we have to treat plans themselves as faith? Defined in Hebrews, surely we must need to be 'certain' of these things we cannot see?
Yet how do I fall in love with these plans and long for them if I do not know them?
Maybe it is a case of living a life like Jesus, living out the plans He has told you about and then praying for a revelation of those plans or simply trusting in the unknown through which God can bless us.
I trust God's timing. I trust God's judgement. I trust that His plans are perfect and will prosper me. I fell in love with God because of His grace, awe and splendour. If I trust that God's plan are what He says they are, I'll fall in love with them because He made them because he loves me. My heart must learn to long that love-filled plan rather than my own fallible, selfish plan.
As for university, I know God will find a place where He would like me and that is what I long for.
As for a fella.. All in God's time :)
Me and God both know very well that one of my desires is to get into university and not just any uni, Leeds! I am desperate to get a place at Leeds; this is my desire. However, as I have learnt over the past few years, our desires may not lie parallel with what God wants. Another desire is that I would like a lovely dovely boyfriend but whether this is God's plan or not is yet to be unveiled.
I am a great believer in those verses seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened unto you. I know that if I ask God what He plans to do, if it is in His timing, the Lord will tell me. However, maybe on some level, do I not want to know? Am I scared in case God's far more sensible and 'emma-suited' plan does not fit nicely with mine?
I know that verse in Jeremiah well, the plans that God has for me are to prosper me and I wholly believe that, trusting that God's plan is the best out there. But sometimes, I like mine! I can see it, it pleases me and it ticks the right boxes. Do we have to treat plans themselves as faith? Defined in Hebrews, surely we must need to be 'certain' of these things we cannot see?
Yet how do I fall in love with these plans and long for them if I do not know them?
Maybe it is a case of living a life like Jesus, living out the plans He has told you about and then praying for a revelation of those plans or simply trusting in the unknown through which God can bless us.
I trust God's timing. I trust God's judgement. I trust that His plans are perfect and will prosper me. I fell in love with God because of His grace, awe and splendour. If I trust that God's plan are what He says they are, I'll fall in love with them because He made them because he loves me. My heart must learn to long that love-filled plan rather than my own fallible, selfish plan.
As for university, I know God will find a place where He would like me and that is what I long for.
As for a fella.. All in God's time :)
Wednesday, 5 January 2011
Adaptation or Acceptence?
I was thinking the other day, when it comes to couples, both people have their ideal 'other half' in mind- what they think they deserve. But for all this is okay, is there stuff we need to accept or does that stuff need to change?
Very often, married couples seperate and I was wondering why.
As Christians, God is constantly moulding us throughout our lives, so our personalities change and quite often, the person you married, is not the person you're with. In my eyes, couples either grow together or grow apart..
When 'falling' for the perfect guy, we have ideas of what we want. If the guy suddenly shows aspects that we don't like, I often get rid, knowing that I cannot compromise what I want and what I think God wants for me. Do we, therefore, have to accept those parts that we aren't keen on and take them on the chin, or remain faithful to what we think and don't adapt our 'essentials' in a bloke.
The only problem is, is that we ca set our standards too high and perfection cannot be found.
But does this mean should settle for second best or accept the fact that people are human and we are constantly becoming closer to perfection by Christ?
Very often, married couples seperate and I was wondering why.
As Christians, God is constantly moulding us throughout our lives, so our personalities change and quite often, the person you married, is not the person you're with. In my eyes, couples either grow together or grow apart..
When 'falling' for the perfect guy, we have ideas of what we want. If the guy suddenly shows aspects that we don't like, I often get rid, knowing that I cannot compromise what I want and what I think God wants for me. Do we, therefore, have to accept those parts that we aren't keen on and take them on the chin, or remain faithful to what we think and don't adapt our 'essentials' in a bloke.
The only problem is, is that we ca set our standards too high and perfection cannot be found.
But does this mean should settle for second best or accept the fact that people are human and we are constantly becoming closer to perfection by Christ?
Tuesday, 4 January 2011
My music, what intention?
As you know, I play guitar and for all I'm not very good, I enjoy my new found musical skill. It has led me to write a selection of Christian songs which define my life as I write them, kinda like a journey. For me, this is an outlet, often another way of praying and leads me crying out to God for His direction.
Recently though, I have been wondering what I actually do this for?
After playing the first song I wrote for some friends, they were pretty impressed with the lyrics. This song, which I lamely called 'This is Our King', is a song that is very close to my heart; a song I wrote after a pretty hard time and after a long time of praying for me to learn and truely accept God's grace.
These songs give me personal satisfaction. I secretly hope someone will listen to them and think "WOW! Isn't she awesome!" but I don't want that as well.
Why should I have to publicly sell myself as an artist to receive affirmation that my music is good?
I write my music, it suits me and my style. Some I write with an congregational purpose, others are just a stroke of spirit led lyrical genius and others are based around songs that I love.
Does all music have to have an aim of reaching others or can it be just personal?
I know that I shouldn't have to seek for affirmation of what I'm doing if it fulfils it's intentions which is to help me. But should it? Should I limit to who I intend to reach? Is telling people of my music and playing it for them boasting my talent rather than boasting the intention?
My problem is is that I have a craving to be accepted, a craving to be loved.
But God's grace has shown me this, and I sing of it... so how does it not fill the gap?
Recently though, I have been wondering what I actually do this for?
After playing the first song I wrote for some friends, they were pretty impressed with the lyrics. This song, which I lamely called 'This is Our King', is a song that is very close to my heart; a song I wrote after a pretty hard time and after a long time of praying for me to learn and truely accept God's grace.
These songs give me personal satisfaction. I secretly hope someone will listen to them and think "WOW! Isn't she awesome!" but I don't want that as well.
Why should I have to publicly sell myself as an artist to receive affirmation that my music is good?
I write my music, it suits me and my style. Some I write with an congregational purpose, others are just a stroke of spirit led lyrical genius and others are based around songs that I love.
Does all music have to have an aim of reaching others or can it be just personal?
I know that I shouldn't have to seek for affirmation of what I'm doing if it fulfils it's intentions which is to help me. But should it? Should I limit to who I intend to reach? Is telling people of my music and playing it for them boasting my talent rather than boasting the intention?
My problem is is that I have a craving to be accepted, a craving to be loved.
But God's grace has shown me this, and I sing of it... so how does it not fill the gap?
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