As you know, I play guitar and for all I'm not very good, I enjoy my new found musical skill. It has led me to write a selection of Christian songs which define my life as I write them, kinda like a journey. For me, this is an outlet, often another way of praying and leads me crying out to God for His direction.
Recently though, I have been wondering what I actually do this for?
After playing the first song I wrote for some friends, they were pretty impressed with the lyrics. This song, which I lamely called 'This is Our King', is a song that is very close to my heart; a song I wrote after a pretty hard time and after a long time of praying for me to learn and truely accept God's grace.
These songs give me personal satisfaction. I secretly hope someone will listen to them and think "WOW! Isn't she awesome!" but I don't want that as well.
Why should I have to publicly sell myself as an artist to receive affirmation that my music is good?
I write my music, it suits me and my style. Some I write with an congregational purpose, others are just a stroke of spirit led lyrical genius and others are based around songs that I love.
Does all music have to have an aim of reaching others or can it be just personal?
I know that I shouldn't have to seek for affirmation of what I'm doing if it fulfils it's intentions which is to help me. But should it? Should I limit to who I intend to reach? Is telling people of my music and playing it for them boasting my talent rather than boasting the intention?
My problem is is that I have a craving to be accepted, a craving to be loved.
But God's grace has shown me this, and I sing of it... so how does it not fill the gap?
we all have that craving and I know personally in questioning that craving the real me has surfaced from beneath it.
ReplyDeleteI think you can sing songs onto God and for you own enjoyment even. I often sit playing guitar in my room no words no sound just me and the sound of wood and metal vibrating out. Sometimes these moments for me are some of the most perfect.
I find that too.
ReplyDeleteThanks Ben :)
Agreed with Ben
ReplyDeleteAlso, I think we have to understand the difference between boasting and using our gifts for he glory of God.
I think for any gift that is God given, like yours, is a good thing to be shared. And when we do start feeling we're in it for ourselves, that is totally us, as God gives us oppurutnity and then its up to us to decide what we do with it.
And atthe same time, its important to always return to those roots of playing on your own in your room, refocusing everything we do if we start to be in it for ourselves!
if that makes any sense what so ever?
xxxx
Thanks bec :)
ReplyDeleteI started writing cos tbh, other people seemed to but I found it really helpful in expressing my feelings to God.
I don't know if it's something I'm meant to share...
I guess that comes into pray before action.
And just cos I enjoy it and might be alright at it and other people do it doesn't mean that it's my calling I guess :/
Tricky subject as it's wrapped up in my longing "to be loved and accepted"
Thanks for giving it a read, you comments highlight my thoughts :)
Xxxx